Once upon a time, many years ago now, I discovered the Mark of the Beast. I found conclusive proof of just what this insidious mark is. And I was shocked, yes, terrified to discover that it is was not only in my house, but in the houses of all my friends. It appears in many forms and incarnations to do it’s devilish work. Yours might be long or short, stiff or soft, coarse or fine, but however it appears, I’m sure that it has infected you and yours. And yes, I am talking about the common hair comb.

Don’t scoff! Bear with me, for I have absolute, SCRIPTURAL proof that the COMB is the Mark of the Beast, and one of the signs of the soon-coming apocalypse! Hidden by its very obtrusiveness, this sign of evil penetrates every house in this fair land, and must be stopped!

Revelation 13:16-18 And he causeth all, both small and great, rich and poor, free and bond, to receive a mark in their right hand, or in their foreheads: And that no man might buy or sell, save he that had the mark, or the name of the beast, or the number of his name. Here is wisdom. Let him that hath understanding count the number of the beast: for it is the number of a man; and his number is Six hundred threescore and six.

Perhaps I should start at the beginning, that fateful day so long ago when I was to stumble across this revelation (pun intended). It started with the simplest of events, my mother instructing me once again to comb my hair. Like many youths, I did not like to take time out of my busy schedule saving the universe from Mutant Space Bats to trouble with such trifles of personal hygiene as combing my hair. And as a natural result of that it was quite difficult to untangle, when I was finally forced to comb it.

But I am rambling. Where was I? Ah, yes. The discovery of the Mark of the Beast. Well, as I said, one night I was belatedly and begrudgingly combing my hair and, since my solution to any task I disliked was to prolong it as long as possible, I began counting the bristles on my comb. But who among us hasn’t had the urge to count the bristles on our combs at least once in our lives?

Anyway, as I said, I was counting the bristles and discovered that there were 72 (count ’em, 72!) bristles. I didn’t pay it much attention at first, but after a few moments I suddenly stiffened; “Seventy-two!”, I whispered to myself. Could it be… but yes, it was. I had found it. The Mark of the Beast, and I, a lowly 14-year-old had discovered it!

But I suppose I should explain my logic in this discovery. You see, I noticed that 72 is a multiple of Six. Now twice six is twelve – the number of rooms in the Zodiac, clearly a pagan device if ever there was one. Three times twelve, or six squared, is 36. There are three houses in the zodiac, each consisting of twelve rooms! Coincidence? I think not!

Now it is a simple matter to multiply 36 times two and find 72 – the number of bristles in the now-hated comb I held in my hand! Two, of course, represents the places that this mark can be – in the hand, and forehead! And not only that, it represents the division between coarse bristles (coarse, manual labor) and the fine bristles (the delicacies of thought)!

So 72 represents the two divisions of the mark of the beast, hand and head, and 36 represents the Zodiac which, even today, many people live their lives by!

But there is something else that I knew you could do with the number 36! It just so happens that if you add 1+2+3+4… up to 36, you get … you guessed it … Six Hundred and Sixty Six! 666! The Mark of the dreaded BEAST!

But still, I needed more proof. After all, even though this looked all well and good to me, I would need something downright iron-clad before I could convince my mother that my reasons for not combing my hair were well justified. But once she understood, I knew she’d be proud.

So I began thinking. What if this number is the number of the NAME of the mark – what if it is the numeric value of the letters? I had heard many sermons on this topic, so I knew that since I wasn’t alone in this idea, I must be right. With this in mind, I wrote down the numbers thusly:

C=3 O=20 M=18 B=2

The fact that these number values were for the English alphabet gave me no pause, of course – after all, it was a prophecy. Surely it would have taken the futuristic language into account in the prophecy!

After briefly staring at these numbers, I was dumbstruck by the correlation! 3X18=54! 54+20=74, and subtract 2 and you have 72 again, the number of bristles and twice the number 36, which represents both the Zodiac and the vile number 666! By now I was confident I was on to something, but even I wasn’t prepared for the next revelation!

As I stood there, gazing at this to-all-outward-appearances-innocent device, now laying dormant on the bathroom counter, deprived of it’s chance to do any more of it’s heinous work on my head, I realized that when you use a comb, where do you use it? Why, in your RIGHT HAND, and IN YOUR FOREHEAD! Again, coincidence? I hardly think so!

By now, one thought followed another in such rapid succession I was overwhelmed; before I knew it, I was putting the rest of the pieces together; “Why”, I exclaimed, “it’s all so obvious now! Without using a comb, it is very difficult to buy or sell in our society! Just look at what hippies went through, and we aren’t even in the end times yet!”

Just as it says about the Mark of the Beast, ALL people, rich or poor, small or great, must use it, and they must HAVE THIS MARK in their right hand and in their forehead to buy or sell and succeed in this world! So I caution you, friend, to count your bristles, and beware of this most nefarious of all dastardly items!

*****

I told you I had solid proof. Scary isn’t it? That is actually based on a true story. Admittedly, a little bit (okay, a lot) of literary license was used, and names and places were changed to protect the innocent (and a few of the guilty – you know who you are, Mom!)

I no longer subscribe to this particular theory, but I still think twice before reaching into the cabinet for a comb, and I hope that you will as well (and yes, I DO still count the bristles!) But there IS something else I hope this makes you think about; something a little more serious. Why did I buy into this doctrine so whole-heartedly? Clearly, it wasn’t for the untarnished, self-evident truth of the theory. How could I have been so deceived?

Ah, there is the rub. You see, no one was ever deceived unless they wanted to be, and believe me, I WANTED to be deceived! This doctrine was “going my way”, so to speak, and so I hopped on for a ride. Eve WANTED to be just like God, knowing good and evil. She already WANTED that apple, and I WANTED an excuse not to comb my hair.

A lot of ridiculous doctrines are floating around the world today; anything from predestination, to reincarnation, to Satan’s seed, to salvation by faith alone, to some really strange prophecy doctrines I’ve heard. Why, I’ve heard everything from a guy who claims to know what the Seven Thunders uttered to a doctrine that Satan and his Demons will be made visible to man for 5 months in the tribulation and run around stinging people with their tails!

Why are these doctrines, which usually cannot be supported from scripture (or at least, are easily shot down) so popular? How can so many people be deceived by what is so obviously unsupported nonsense??

Because THESE DOCTRINES ARE GOING THEIR WAY! Just as Satan’s Apple Doctrine was going Eve’s way, these doctrines feed a particular pet urge or desire in those deceived by them! “Satan’s seed” people LIKE the idea of being “special”, in the face of a world of half-men descended from a Devil! Most of mankind LIKES the idea of not having to do anything but give his heart to Jesus to be saved!

And let’s face it, it’s a big load off of the mind to relax in the confidence that God either predestined you to be saved, or He didn’t – either way, there is nothing YOU can do about it! What a relief! And … I didn’t like combing my hair. That doctrine was easy for me to believe because… well, because it’s what I already wanted to believe.

So, does my theory still sound ludicrous? Good, because it was. But learn a lesson from the poor maligned comb; examine your beliefs, particularly those on prophecy; because many of the most cherished beliefs that I have heard have rested on much more tenuous evidence than this does.

And be suspicious of any doctrine that pets your ego, makes you feel good about yourself, or in any sense is “going your way”. Make sure you analyze that doctrine extra hard, and look for plenty of proof, to make sure that you aren’t just trying to get out of combing your hair.